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T.S.DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers,154 W.Randolph St., Chicago 



RE-TAMING OF THE 
SHREW 

A SHAKESPEAREAN TRAVESTY 
IN ONE ACT 



BY 

JOHN W. POSTGATE 

AUTHOR OF 

'Falstaff in Rebellion," "Bottom's Nightmare," Etc. 




CHICAGO 
T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 

Publishers 



RE-TAMING OF THE SHREW 

CHARACTERS. ^ ^ -f=» ? I ^ "^ 

Petruchio A Mad-cap Ruffian Tamed by Marriage 

Angelo Stern Magistrate Softened by Matrimony 

Duke of Illyria 

Sentimental Lover Turned Meek Husband 

Othello. . .Fierce Black General Under Szvay of Jiis Wife 
Macbeth. . .Scottish Chieftain Fond of ''the Barley Bree" 

Grumio Reformed Servant of Petruchio 

Katherine Leader in Woman's Rights Movement 

Mariana 

. . . .Formerly Despondent Lady of the Moated Grange 

Viola Patience on a Monument Prior to her Marriage 

Desdemona 

Becomes Suffragist after Eloping zvith the Moor 

Lady Macbeth Strong-minded, 

Caustic Wife of Witch-ridden Macbeth 



Time of Playing — About Forty-five Minutes. 



Note. — Production of this play is free to amateurs, but the sole 
professional stage rights are reserved by the Author, who may be 
addressed in care of the Publishers. 

TMP96-0C6a41 

COPYRIGHT, 1915, BY EBEN H. NORRIS. 



'CID 40160 



RE-TAMING OF THE SHREW. 



STORY OF THE PLAY. 

After her woeful honeymoon, Katherine becomes an ar- 
dent suffragist and imposes household duties on Petruchio, 
who submits tamely to petticoat government. At a meeting 
of the women, man's doom as a political or domestic power 
is announced, but Katherine, Mariana, Viola, Desdemona 
and Lady Macbeth hark back to the past and twit one an- 
other on exciting episodes in their respective careers. They 
are on the verge of a quarrel several times, but kiss and 
make up and begin all over again. 

This sisterhood of sweet, sympathetic souls determines 
to be true and loyal to the suffrage cause and compel the 
submission of their husbands. Before they leave for the 
club-house Katherine gives Petruchio permission to invite 
a few friends for a quiet evening. She instructs Grumio 
to serve nothing but barley water and to see that his master 
goes to bed at ten o'clock. Before his guests arrive, Petru- 
chio tries in vain to have something stronger substituted for 
this insipid beverage. Macbeth, who is the first to appear, 
is delighted with the prospect of a gaudy night. He imag- 
ines that the bowl is filled with barley bree, his favorite 
tipple. As the others come in there is hearty greeting all 
round which, however, turns to dismay when the cups are 
charged and tasted. Grumio is sent out for stronger ingre- 
dients, and returns with turpentine, furniture polish, cider, 
grape juice, pepper pods, etc., which are emptied into the 
bowl. 

This mixture gives great satisfaction. It has both fire 
and grip, and the erstwhile meek husbands soon become 
groggy, musical and courageous. While they are roaring 
''Auld Lang Syne," the ladies return from the club. Kath- 
erine is indignant at the scene presented, but she is met 
with bold and cutting remarks that presage male insurrec- 
tion. Indeed, the strange liquor has done its work too well. 
Each and every one of the men, formerly so docile and 
obedient, defy their wives. Two hostile camps are at once 
formed. The women find it politic to abandon part of the 
ground already won in this battle for freedom. The men 



4 RE-TAMING OF THE SHREW. 

insist upon a restoration of their ancient rights and privi- 
leges. It is not until an appeal to the divorce court is 
threatened that the women acknowledge defeat. Then there 
is a season of reconciliation and the married couples depart 
apparently content and happy. 

Katherine hands her big baby, Petruchio, the nursing 
bottle filled with ''soothing syrup," Petruchio soothes her 
with a loving kiss, and the curtain falls on this timely trav- 
esty, which is replete with Shakesperean humor adapted to 
modern situations. 



CHARACTERS AND COSTUMES. 

This travesty draws material from five plays of Shake- 
speare — "Taming of the Shrew," "Measure for Measure," 
"Twelfth Night," "Othello" and "Macbeth." Where the 
services of a theatrical costumer are available, the charac- 
ters may be dressed in accordance with the demands of the 
regular stage. A good effect may be gained, however, by 
modernizing the costtmies. The following suggestions are 
offered for an effective color scheme : 

Petruchio — Old shooting jacket, knickerbockers and 
top-boots ; military mustache and imperial ; low-necked col- 
lar with flowing tie. 

Angelo — Black clothes and silk stockings ; smooth shaven 
face, eyeglasses and judicial wig. 

Duke of Illyria — Old-time troubadour attire, long- 
haired wig and short cloak ; Van Dyke beard. 

Othello — Military costume, with cloak; black face. 

Macbeth — Highland costume, including kilt and tartan. 

Grumio — Rough doublet with belt at waist; trunks and 
coarse hose ; smooth face. 

Desdemona — Long, loose cream-colored gown with flow- 
ing sleeves ; a small, round cap of gold or embroidery and 
violet scarf draped loosely round the waist and knotted in 
front. 



m 24 I9lb 



RE-TAMING OF THE SHREW. 5 

Katherine — Green over-dress with pointed bodice ; skirt 
and waist open in front to show an under-dress of gold 
color; small pointed cap of gold color and large white ruff. 

Mariana — Deep violet gown with train ; band round the 
hair, which is either hanging loose or in two braids. 

Lady Macbeth — Full Highland costume. 

Viola — Long semi-fitting crimson gown with full length 
sleeves; puffings to show at elbow; gold cord and tassels 
brought twice around the waist and knotted at side. 



STAGE SETTING AND PROPERTIES. 

Room with antique chairs and tables ; one table near cen- 
ter ; mirrors and suffrage mottoes on walls ; door at either 
side. Punch bowl, glasses, church warden or corncob pipes, 
tobacco jars, turpentine, grape juice, cider, sauce bottles 
and pepper pods, punch ladle, etc. Note for Grumio. Tele- 
phone attachment outside. 

The Scotch songs used are familiar to everybody. 
"There's a Club House in the Town," sang by the Duke, 
is the old ''There is a Tavern in the Town," which can be 
found in "College Songs," published by Oliver Ditson Co., 
which we will send postpaid on receipt of price, 50 cents. 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

R. means right of stage; C, center; L., left; R. D., right 
door, etc. The actor is supposed to be facing the audience. 



RE-TAMING OF THE SHREW 



Scene: Room in Petruchio's house; banners on zvalls 
zvith mottoes, "Votes for Women," "Dozvn zvith Rum,'' 
"Men are Tyrants All,'' "Matrimony is Slavery," "Our 
Battle Cry is Freedom." Doors R. and L. Antique chairs 
and tables; one table near C. 

Katherine and Mariana enter R. and L., salute each 
other zvith kisses and sit down. 

Katherine. The knell has sounded. Mere man is 
doomed. 

Mariana. And yet, Kate, I do not altogether blame the 
men. They are as God made them. 

Katherine. Not so, Mariana. Shake off the influence 
of the moated grange. They are what our stupid submis- 
sion made them — selfish, narrow-minded brutes, wine bib- 
bers and brawlers, villains and hypocrites, sordid knaves 
and boasting bullies. 

Mariana. I can scarcely agree with you in that, sister. 
Some of them have good points, and a man means so much 
to most of us. 

Katherine (sarcastically). I cry you mercy, Mariana. 
I had forgotten. 

Mariana. Forgotten what, darling? 

Katherine. How thou fretted and pined and pleaded 
for Angelo, grabbed him with gratitude with all the horrid 
imperfections on his head. 

Mariana (zi'armly). And what of Petruchio, Kate, dear? 
He wooed thee like a madcap ruffian and swearing jack, 
and yet thou kissed his feet. 

Katherine. Do not let us wrangle, Mariana. That was 
before I joined the suffragists. You ought to see him now. 

Enter Desdemona, R. They embrace and kiss and sit 
dozvn. 

Desdemona. You look flustered, Kate. Methought you 
were quarreling as I came in. 

6 



RE-TAMING OF THE SHREW. 7 

Katherine. Why, the Idea! We quarrel? 

Mariana. How absurd ! 

Desdemona. Stranger things have happened in the 
woman's world. You certainly were speaking in pitched 
tones. 

Katherine. Don't be sarcastic, dear. Pitched tones, in- 
deed! One would think Othello was still on thy mind. 

Mariana. Yes, that thou wert still pillowed on his sooty 
bosom. 

Desdemona (protesting). That is uncalled for, Mariana. 
"Pillowed" strikes me as unnecessarily harsh. 

Katherine (ironically). I should imagine it did. You 
were smothered for a time, weren't you, dear? 

Desdemona bounces angrily from her chair. Before she 
can make reply, Lady Macbeth enters L. and there is kiss- 
ing all round. 

Lady Macbeth. I fancied ravens were croaking as I 
entered. 

Katherine. Your imagination is too strong, dear. You 
should curtail it in time. First thing you know, you'll be 
walking in your sleep. 

Mariana. There was a frightful croak under your bat- 
tlements once, I believe. 

Lady Macbeth. Yes; I thank God I am a strong-minded 
woman. 

Desdemona. With a passion for perfumery. 

Lady Macbeth. I just love it, Desdemona. 

Desdemona. You must, or you wouldn't try to wash 
your little hands in it. 

Lady Macbeth. Well, of all the impudence! 

Desdemona. No offense, your ladyship ; none in the 
world. I was thinking of that damned spot that wouldn't 
wash out. 

Lady Macbeth. It is very sweet of you, indeed, gentle 
Desdemona. But your optics and reflectives went astray 
when you eloped with that blackamoor. 

Katherine (shocked). Lady Macbeth! 

Mariana. How rude and shocking! 



8 RE-TAMIXG OF THE SHREW. 

Lady Macbeth (angrily). You spiteful wretches! It ill 
becomes any one of you to rake up a noble lady's past. But 
what can you expect of — 

This speech is interrupted by the entrance of Viola, R. 
More kissing. 

Viola. Why this confusion, sisters? Your damask 
cheeks seem to be unduly incardinated. 

Katherine. Your discernment is at fault this time, 
Viola. We were not confused. We were just having a 
pleasant preliminary chat. 

Viola. And how is Petruchio, Katherine? I haven't 
seen the dear man since he sealed his title to you with a 
resounding kiss. 

Katherine. Petruchio is as well as can be expected, 
dear. He is sitting, like Patience, rocking the cradle and 
smiling at grief. 

Mariana. That remark is not strictly original, Kate. 
I've heard something like it before. 

Lady Macbeth (in zvarning tones). Pray stop there, 
Mariana. 

Katherine. Yes, go no farther on that line. It is not 
meet that we. the sisterhood of sweet and sympathetic souls, 
should exchange personalities, however refreshing and de- 
lightful they may be. We are engaged in a noble cause. 
We should set the men an inspiring example in all things. 
Complete enfranchisement is within our reach. Let us rise 
to the occasion for the benefit and advancement of man- 
kind. 

Viola. That's the ticket. Enthuse us some more, Kate. 

Katherine. We must prove ourselves faithful to the 
common cause. W'e must not waste ammunition on our- 
selves. We are going to look big, and stamp, and swear, 
and stare, and fret, just like the men used to do in the dis- 
mal days of the dreary past. We are going to show them 
that we are no longer their goods and chattels. We'll eat 
w^hat we like, drink what we like, when we like and where 
we like. No longer shall they superintend the making of 
our beds, or fling the pillows, bolsters and coverlets around 



RE-TAATTXG OF THE SHREW. 9 

with angry snorts. They shall not deter us with threatening, 
unkind brows and scornful scowls. We shall show them 
that we are as free as the unchartered air ; that the olive 
branch has vanished in the smoke of our righteous war ; 
that henceforth, now and forever we shall retain the reins 
of state and domestic government in our firm and unre- 
laxing hands, and compel their unswerving obedience to all 
our imperious commands. 
All. Amen ! 

Enter Grumio, L. Curtseys to them all. 

Grumio. Master says will you please mitigate your 
voices. He's afraid you'll wake the baby. 

Katherine. Go bid your master mind his own business. 
Let him rock the cradle diligently if the child is restless. 

Grumio. Yes, ma'am. (Ciirtseys and exits, L.) 

Viola. You have him broken very nicely, Kate. 

Katherine. Yes, his stomach is now completely vailed. 

Lady Macbeth. How did you work the miracle? 

Katherine. Oh, it was simple enough. When he blus- 
tered, I nagged him quiet. I hindered his sleep with sighs 
and moans, sauced his meat with upbraidings, spoiled his 
sports by brawling. As soon as his digestion was ruined, 
he begged for mercy on his marrow bones. 

All. Wonderful ! 

Lady Macbeth. There's nothing like a good tongue 
lashing to bring them to time. 

Desdemona (putting handkerchief to her eyes). Oh, I 
wish I had known it sooner. What anguish I might have 
checked. 

Viola. How grateful I am that the Duke is a Southern 
gentleman. 

Mariana. Neither climate nor color counts in these 
matters, dear. There are ferocious husbands in the North 
as well as the South. 

Katherine. My experience is that they are all fanged 
like serpents. 

Lady Macbeth. Yes, and their venomed clamors poison 
more deadlv than a mad dose's tooth. 



10 RE-TAMINCx OF THE SITREW. 

Mariana (slyly). You found daggers very useful, 
didn't you, dear? 

Lady Macbeth. Daggers, strong words and drugged 
drinks were my favorite recipes. 

Katherine. And is Macbeth still a prosperous gentle- 
man? 

Lady Macbeth. Not so as you would notice. It was all 
I could do to keep his courage at the sticking place. Ban- 
quo's ghost nearly scared the life oilt of him. 

Desdemona. Well, Othello, rough as he was, always 
had his pluck about him. 

Lady Macbeth. Yes, he showed it by deft manipula- 
tion of the feather pillow. 

Desdemona (hotly). You are perfectly horrid. Your 
braw Scotch laddie had to have a bracer for the murder 
of Duncan. 

Katherine. Ladies, ladies ! It ill beseems us to quarrel. 
Look at the mottoes on the walls. (They turn and read and 
wave handkerchiefs.) 

Desdemona. We never thought of quarreling, Kate. 
We were just comparing notes. 

Mariana. Comparisons are odorous, dear. The best 
of men are moulded out of faults, and I know one who be- 
came much the better for being a little bad. 

Lady Macbeth. She means that puritanical hypocrite. 
Angelo. 

Mariana (zvannly). Truth is sometimes spoken in spite. 
With all his faults, my husband never traded with witches 
on a blasted heath at midnight, mid thunder, lightning and 
rain. 

Katherine. Come, come, ladies! Do not let us brawl 
about our husbands. They are all bad enough, the Lord 
knows, and our dearest purpose now is to redeem and re- 
form them. I move we lay them on the table. 

All. Carried unanimously! 

Enter Grumio, L., and presents note to Katherine. 

Katherine. Listen to this, girls. (Reads note) : "Baby 
is sleeping finely, Katherine. While you are at the club this 



RE-TAMTXG OF THE SHREW. 11 

evening, will you please allow me to have a friend or two 
in, so that I may not be lonesome during your absence. 
Your humble spouse, Petruchio." 

Mariana. What a darling of a man! 

Lady Macbeth. Vouchsafe him permission, Kate. Soli- 
tude sometimes gets on the nerves. I know what I suf- 
fered when sitting up for Macbeth. 

Katherine. Tell thy master, Grumio, that his request 
is granted, but that his company must be dismissed by ten 
o'clock. Should I still be out at that time, see him safely 
tucked in bed. 

Grumio. Who? The baby? 

Katherine. No, stupid ; thy master. 

Grumio. Yes, ma'am. (Exit L.) 

Katherine. Let us now repair to the club. A little 
bridge or tango will do us all good. (The ladies primp up 
at mirrors and then go out R. chattering.) 

Enter Grumio, L., and tzvo or three servants. 

Grumio. Now that the cats are away, the mice may play. 
Get the place ready for a rip-roaring time. The old boys 
are somewhat weary of this woman-bossed world. They'd 
fain have a taste of the old life. 

Servants arrange chairs at table, bringing in punch bozvl, 
pipes, tobacco jars, glasses, etc., and retire L. Petruchio 
enters L. ivith apron on and nursing bottle strung round 
his neck. Takes off apron, throzvs it aside zvith a frozvn, 
puts nursing bottle on table and sniffs at bozvl. 

Petruchio. Is this the best of our cheer? 

Grumio. 'Tis furnished as Mistress Katherine com- 
manded, sir — good, honest barley water, that ne'er left man 
i' the mire. 

Petruchio. You flap-headed knave, we cannot be merry 
on barley-water. Throw it out and fill the bowl with sack. 

Grumio. Forsooth, I dare not for my life. 

Petruchio. Dare not? Who's boss here? 

Grumio. My mistress, sir. 

Petruchio. Jumping Jeosophat, have I no rights left? 
Hast lost thy wit entirely ? We must have wholesome liquor. 



12 RE-TAMING OF THE SHREW. 

Grumio. Mistress Katherine says barley-water or noth- 
ing. 'Tis a palatable, nourishing beverage, sir. But what 
say you to small ale? 

Petruchio. Small ale ! Ye gods, am I Christopher Sly, 
the tinker? And yet 'tis better than this cold, cheerless stuff. 

Grumio. A dish of ale is fit for a king, sir. 

Petruchio. And so it may be when occasion serves. 
Well, bring it in, good Grumio. 

Grumio (mockingly). Ah! It's good Grumio now! Krst- 
while I was knave and rascal and caressed with thy boot- 
jack. And now you speak soft and beg for small ale. 

Petruchio (sternly). Do not provoke a down-trodden 
man, sirrah. The power of assertion may rise again and 
crush thee with its might. Do as I bid thee, or, by Jupiter, 
I'll break thy wooden noddle. 

Grumio. Mitigate your voice, sir. The club is only on 
the next block. 

Petruchio (trembling). Dost think she could hear me, 
Grumio? I had forgotten the club house is so near. But 
the small ale, man ; the small ale, an thou be a Christian. 

Grumio. I fear it is too choleric, sir. What say you to 
a bottle of Worcestershire sauce? 

Petruchio. Excellent, i' faith ; there's some grip to 
sauce. 

Grumio. Maybe it is too hot. There is a bottle of 
bluing in the laundry, sir. 

Petruchio. Bluing? Heavens! I am blue enough as it 
is ; but anything to give tone to our spirits. 

Grumio. Well, I don't know. Perhaps you had better 
have the bottle without the bluing. 

Petruchio. Thou false, deluding knave. (Rushing to- 
ward him.) Get thee gone ere I break thy numbskull. 
(Grumio rushes out in alarm, L.) 

Enter Macbeth, singing: 

Macbeth. Gie me the greatest joy the tongue o' man can 
name, 
A bonnie, bonnie lassie when the kye come hame. 
Petruchio. Hail, thane of Cawdor! King that is to be I 



RE-TAMING OF THE SHREW. 13 

Macbeth. Hoot mon ! The thane of Cawdor is no deid 
yet, and to be king stands not within the prospect of be- 
lief. Ye've eaten of the insane root, Pete, my lad. Your 
heid is out o' kilter. 

Petruchio. Well, present fears are less than horrible 
imaginings, Mac. You're safe enough now ; the witches 
have fled. 

Macbeth. Then shall we hae anither gaudy nicht, ech, 
mon ? 

Petruchio. We shall, indeed, if barley-water can as- 
sure it. 

Macbeth. What? Hast barley bree ? Guid Scotch drink 
is nectar for any sensible stomach. (Warbles.) "And aye 
we'll taste the barley bree." 

Enter Angelo, L. 

Petruchio. Mortality and mercy live in thy tongue and 
heart, dear old chap. 

Macbeth. Thy company transports me beyond this ig- 
norant present, and I feel now the future in the instant. 

Angelo. Thanks, noble comrades. I have with a leav- 
ened and prepared choice proceeded to you. 

Enter the Duke, L. 

Petruchio. Welcome, your grace. Methinks thou 
purgest the air of pestilence. 

Macbeth. Come, let me clutch thee. (Takes the Duke's 
hand.) Ah ! thou art sensible to feeling as to sight, a bless- 
ing to sair een! 

Angelo. Now may we play such tricks before high 
heaven as will make the suffragists weep. 

The Duke. Oh, spirit of brotherly love! When suffra- 
gists' shafts have killed the flock of all affections else, thy 
sweet perfections will make a paradise below. 

Enter Othello, L. 

Petruchio. Oh, my fair warrior! It gives me wonder 
great as my content to have thou join our festivities. 

Angelo. My soul's joy! If after every tempest come 
such guests, may the winds blow till they have wakened 



14 RE-TAMING OF THE SIIRFAV. 

death. My hungry heart greets thee without cloyment or 
revolt. 

The Duke. If it were now to die, noble Othello, 'twere 
now to be most happy ; for I fear my soul hath her content 
so absolute that not another comfort Hke to this succeeds 
in unknown fate. 

Macbeth. Blow wind, come wrack! Now we'll keep 
the harness on our back. 

Othello. Most potent, grave and reverend seigniors, 
my very noble and approved companions, I greet ye all with 
constant breath. But what sense I here? (Looking at 
bozvl.) That bowl is inviting. 

Petruchio. Come, sit ye down. Ye shall not budge till 
that the conquering wine steeps your souls in soft and deli- 
cate lethe. (All take places at table. Petruchio ladles out 
the drink. They clink glasses and toss off the contents. 
Then they sputter and make zvry faces and gaze at Petru- 
chio reproachfidly.) 

Macbeth. Barley without the bree! 

The Duke. Adam's toddy, as I'm a Dago! 

Othello. A disgusting fraud on honest thirst. 

Angelo. An insult to sacred friendship. 

Petruchio. I pray ye, do not mock me, fellow suffer- 
ers ; 'tis all I'm permitted to offer. 

Macbeth. The guards of Duncan's chamber were 
primed with stiffer stuff. 

Angelo. It makes a vice of merriment. 

The Duke. A mockery of kitchen slops. 

Othello. Too soulless for the trade of war. 

Macbeth. For the love of auld Scotia, send for a stoop 
of usquebagh. 

Petruchio. Bear with me yet awhile; Til see what can 
be done. Grumio! 

Enter Grumio^ L., grinning. 

Grumio. Here, sir. 

Petruchio. My guests like not this vile decoction, sir- 
rah. Go thou and thy fellows and scour the ward for sturdy 
liquor. Get us something with fire and comfort in it. 



RE-TAMING OF THE STTRl-AV. 15 

Grumio. Mistress said I was not to leave the house 
while the carousal was on. 

Petruchio. Carousal! Was ever word so abused? 
Zounds, rascal, I'll swinge thee soundly an thou do not 
instantly obey me. 

Grumio. 'Tis as much as my life is worth, and I have 
not prayed tonight. (Petruchio makes threatening ges- 
ture.) But I'll venture all for this gallant company. 

Petruchio. And see here, sirrah. Take this bauble 
{handing him musing bottle) and have it filled with sooth- 
ing syrup ; thou knowest the brand. 

Grumio. 'Twill bring disaster, master. She can scent 
the fumes in a corncob. (Exit L.) 

All. Poor Petruchio! 

Petruchio. And now, friends, we'll drink some to- 
bacco while the knaves are about it. {They charge and 
light pipes, hut lay them down zvith scorn after a few 
puffs.) 

Macbeth. Shades of auld Reekie; 'tis cabbage leaf! 

The Duke. Holy smoke, how it bites! 

Angelo. Mouldy hay were sweeter, methinks. 

Othello. Ratsbane, if I'm any judge. 

Petruchio. Wrong, all of you. 'Tis tea leaves sprin- 
kled with nutmeg! 

All. Poor Petruchio! 

Macbeth. Bear up, brave hearts. I've the real stingo 
in my pouch. {Reaches into his phiUbeg and brings out 
package.) Fill full and smoke to the general health of the 
whole table. {They charge pipes zvith Macbeth's tobacco, 
light up and puff azvay in content.) 

Enter Grumio and other servants with packages. 

Grumio {in alarm). As I live, they are smoking tobacco! 
Master, master! What will Mistress Katherine say? It 
will cling to the hangings for a week. 

Othello. May I answer, Petruchio? 

Petruchio. Go as far as you like, Otto. I'm too furi- 
ous to speak! 

Othello. Mistress Katherine be hanged ! 



16 RE-TAMTXG OF THE SHREW. 

All. So say all of us! 

Grumio. But Desdemona is with her, General ; and 
Mariana and Viola and Lady Macbeth. 

All (in dismay). Oh! 

Petruchio. Courage, lads. New blood is springing in 
my veins. They won't be home till morning. 

All (sing). **Till daylight does appear!" Hurrah! 

Petruchio. How fared thou with the tradesmen, Gru- 
mio? 

Grumio. Very scurvily, sir. The groceryman said Mis- 
tress Katherine had warned him against supplying us with 
liquor except by her written order, and he is afraid of pun- 
inshment under the dram shop act should he disobey. The 
apothecary — a lean and hungry cadaver, your honor — in- 
sisted upon a doctor's description ; the furniture man had 
nothing on hand but turpentine, and all we could get from 
the vegetable man was root beer. We have here, therefore, 
a pint of turpentine, a bottle of ginger ale, a quart of sweet 
cider, a bottle of denatured alcohol, some pepper pods, and 
a quart of grape juice : the same kind that Mr. Bryan uses, 
sir. 

All. Oh, balm of Gilead! 

Petruchio. WeW, anything is better than sheer barley- 
water. Drop them all into the bowl. (Servants pour in 
contents of bottles and Grumio stirs briskly.) 

Grumio. I got this (handing Petruchio nursing bottle 
filled with dark liquid) after much vehement protest. The 
clerk said it was not altogether to be commended for babies, 
but I calmed his fears with the solemn assurance that it was 
for a big one. 

All. Ha, ha! (Petruchio smells at nursing bottle. A 
smile overspreads his face and he puts it hastily into his 
pocket.) 

Petruchio. I am afraid of that stuff. It's rank poison. 

Grumio. That's what mistress says, sir. 

Petruchio. Silence, sirrah! (Telephone bell rings. 
Grumio goes ont and returns as Petruchio is ladling out 
the nezv mixture.) 



RE-TAMING OF THE SHREW. 17 

Grumio. Mistress says to be sure and give baby his 
bottle if he wakes up. 

Petruchio. I'll be hanged if I will! 
All. There's manly courage for you! 
Grumio. Shall I tell her what you say, sir? 
Petruchio. Not on your life, sirrah. Tell her I will 
be very careful that tootsey-wootsey sleeps well and that I 
hope she is enjoying herself. 

All. Ha, ha! (Exit Grumio, L.) 
Macbeth (after drinking). It's no so bad. 
Othello. Not as searching as canary; but 'twill serve. 
Angelo. I've tasted worse, but not much. 
The Duke. Scarcely up to the Illyrian standard, but 
nevertheless strong and biting. 

Petruchio. I think it is celestial liquor. Fill full again. 
(Replenishes cnps. Liquor begins to take effect as they 
con tin ue drinking. ) 

Angelo. Gives us a song, Mac. 
Macbeth (sings). 

(Tune: "Annie Laurie.'') 
Maxwelton's braes are bonnie, 

As bonnie as can be ; 
And 'twas there where Annie Laurie 
Gie me the barley bree ; 
Gie me the barley bree, 
As grand as it could be, 
And for bonnie Annie Laurie, 
I drank that barley bree! 
(All applaud as glasses are refilled.) 
Othello. 'Fore heaven, a most excellent song! 
Petruchio. It's your turn now, Duke. 
The Duke (sings). 

(Time: ''There is a Tavern in the Toivn.") 
There's a club-house in the town, in the town, 
And there our dear wives sit them down, sit them down, 
And drink their wine 'mid laughter free, 
And never, never think of we! 



18 RE-TAMING OF THE SHREW. 

CHORUS. 

Fare thee well, for I must leave thee; 

Do not let the parting grieve thee, 

And remember that the best of friends must part, must part ; 

Adieu, adieu, kind friends; adieu, adieu, adieu! 

I can no longer stay with you, stay with you ; 

I'll hang my harp on a weeping willow tree. 

And may the world go well with thee! 

Othello. Why, that is a more excellent song than the 
other. 

Macbeth. Easy there, Otto. Remember Bobby Burns. 

Angelo. What for? 

Macbeth. I dinna comprehend your query, man. 

Angelo. You said Bobby Burns. Why? 

Macbeth {puzzled). Eh? 

Petruchio. Don't you see, Mac? It's a way he has of 
joking. 

Othello. It's dangerous to joke with a Scotchman. 

The Duke. Doubly so, if you haven't a corkscrew. {All 
laugh hut Macbeth.) 

Macbeth {angry). Ye puir feckless bodies; an ye were 
on the heath, I'd clout your lugs wi' my claymore. 

Petruchio. Suspend, gentlemen, suspend ! Don't let us 
act like women at a love feast. Let harmony and kindness 
prevail. We'll have another wet. 

Cups are charged again and they drink after touching 
glasses. Grumio enters L. and whispers to Petruchio. 

Othello. Methinks our gallant host turns pale. 

Macbeth. That's more than ye can do, Otto. 

Othello {hotly). Death and damnation, sir! 

Macbeth {snapping Jiis fingers). Tilly vally. Otto; sneck 
up ; you're no in Venice the noo. 

Petruchio. Peace, gentlemen, peace! Grumio says they 
are breaking up at the club. They'll make a bee-line here ; 
but there's time for a doch and doris, as Mac calls it. 
{Glasses are filled hurriedly.) 

Macbeth. We'll part iii the guid auld way. Let's hae 
the Scotch doxology. Hand in hand and round the table 
go. Then a recht guid wullie-wacht and awa hame! 



RE-TAMIXG OF THE SHREW. 19 

(All take hands and sing loudly, "Should Atild Acquaint- 
ance he Forgot!') 

Enter Katherine, Lady Macbeth, Viola, Mariana 
and Desdemona, R. The men slink to other side of room. 

Katherine {indignant). Phew! What an atmosphere! 
Is it thus {speaking to Petruchio) you abuse your privi- 
leges, sir? Do you dare to make a tavern of my house? 
Have you people no wit, manners, or modesty, but to squeak 
out vile songs without remorse of voice? 

Macbeth. It was no a vile song, begging your ladyship's 
pardon. It's a masterpiece of mellifluous melody, the pride 
of the Scottish race, and the pledge of good fellowship a' 
the wairld o'er. 

Lady Macbeth (astonished). Macbeth, how dare you? 

Macbeth (boldly). Dare! I'd dare the Deil himself on 
that theme. 

Lady Macbeth. Wait till I get you home. 

Macbeth (more boldly). Pshaw! Shake not your linty 
locks at me. There's no terror in those eyes with which 
you glare. Thou canst say that I did it, and that I'm glad 
of it! 

Katherine, Viola, Mariana and Desdemona. Mercy, 
the man's mad ! 

Lady Macbeth. No, not mad, sisters ; just a drappie in 
his een. I know the complaint of old. He'll come to him- 
self tomorrow, and be mild enough, I warrant you. 

Angelo. Dollars to doughnuts he won't. 

Mariana (in amazement) . Why, Angelo, what have you 
been drinking? 

Angelo. Nothing but barley-water, pet; it's all we can 
get in this shanty. 

Katherine. Cast no aspersions upon my house, sir. It 
was by my express command that barley-water was served. 

The Duke (scornfully). And it served us right for 
coming. 

Viola (in protesting tone). Orsino, don't be rude. I've 
never seen you like this before. 

The Duke (boldly). You will again, I hope. Let's have 



20 RE-TAMIXG OF THE SHREW. 

that strain once more, boys. It came o'er my ears like the 
sweet sound that breathes upon a bank of violets, stealing 
and giving odor — 

Viola {amazed). Why, I do believe his grace is intoxi- 
cated. 

Othello {zvith a sneer). What! On barley-water? 

Desdemona (gently). Don't you chip in, Othello. They 
draw the color line in these parts. 

Othello (angry). Toads and monkeys! Would I had 
used a clothes line instead of a pillow. 

Desdemona (irritated). Comfort forswear me! I hate 
you when you gnaw your nether lip like that. 

Katherine. Stand you there like a sheep, Petruchio, in 
the face of this outrageous contention. I took you for a 
man, once. 

Petruchio. Well, 'twas you that made me a mutton. 

Katherine. I ? 

Petruchio (angry). Ay, thou! Why did I not heed the 
warning of thy kinsfolk? They told me thou wert a curst 
shrew. Madman that I was, I rushed wildly to my fate. 

Katherine (puts hand to bosom). Oh, my bleeding heart ! 
Give me the nursing bottle and I will go to my babe. (Pe- 
truchio hands it to her. Katherine smells it and 
screams'.) You murderous wretch! This is whiskey. Oh, 
my baby, my baby ! Grumio, take me to my poor child. 

Grumio. Calm yourself, my lady ; that is soothing 
syrup. I bought it myself, but the child has not yet tasted it. 

Katherine. Bless thee for that assurance. But how 
came they all drunk? 

The Men. It's a lie! 

Petruchio. We are not drunk ; we are simply indig- 
nant. 

Katherine. Indignant? 

The Men. Ay, indignant. 

Petruchio. We rebelled at thy imposed cheer, as we 
now rebel against all forms of feminine tyranny. Grown 
men cannot thrive on barley-water, whether the state be 
dry or not. (Katherine goes to the bowl, dips in ladle and 
tastes the liquid.) 



RE-TAMING OF THE SHREW. 21 

Katherine (startled). What kind of hell broth is this? 

Petruchio. a little of everything drinkable — ginger 
ale, grape juice, turpentine, furniture polish and laundry 
bluing, garnished with red pepper pods. 

Lady Macbeth. No wonder the men are mad. 

Petruchio (stoutly). Right-o! We are mad! We have 
come to the parting of the ways. You can have your suf- 
frage, your votes, your clubs, your political freedom. But 
we have thrown away the bibs and tuckers. We wear the 
aprons and flourish the dusters no longer. Henceforth we 
are free. 

The Men. Hurrah ! 

Katherine. This is rank rebellion, sisters, and must be 
suppressed with prompt and rigorous measures. Let us go 
into executive session. 

(Male and female characters form tzvo groups at either 
side of the room. Grumio takes a seat in front of punch 
bozvl. Turns first to one group and then the other; drinks 
at each demonstration and zvags his head. Great excite- 
ment in the female group. The men gesticidate and cast 
fnrtiz'e glances at their zuives. Katherine steps forzvard.) 

Katherine. I will be frank with you, gentlemen, and 
say that the attitude you have assumed tonight both shocked 
and surprised us. We may have been a little stern with 
you of late, but modern civilization calls for the assertion 
of our rights. H persistence in our just demands leads to 
insurrection on your part, we acknowledge that the peace 
and joy of the world will not be advanced. My sisters 
think a compromise is in order. I pause for your response. 
(The men urge Petruchio forzvard to anszver.) 

Petruchio. What have you to propose? 

Katherine. Let us keep the ballot and maintain our 
interest in public affairs. 'Tis for your own good that we 
seek this power. (TJie men consult again.) 

Petruchio. The proposition is too indefinite. Do you 
demand that we give up all our rights and privileges? (The 
zvomen confer.) 

Katherine. We propose that whatever rights you are 



22 RE-TAMING OF THE SHREW. 

justly entitled to you may enjoy without let or hindrance. 
{The men consult.) 

Petruchio. Will you bar prohibition, abolish nurse girl 
duties, sanction cards and billiards, bowls and baseball, and 
place no restrictions on our club duties ? ( The ivomen again 
consult.) 

Katherine. We cannot agree to your program. 

Petruchio. Then we shall appeal to the divorce court 
for a dissolution of matrimonial ties and the restoration of 
our ancient rights and privileges. {Consternation among 
the ivomen.) 

Mariana. Isn't that awful, Katie? I had a hard time 
getting Angelo. 

Katherine. To agree to that would be a base surren- 
der of honors already won. 

Desdemona. Yes, but beggarly divorcement! I think 
we must give in. I don't think I could live without my 
Othello. 

Viola. I don't want to play Patience on the monument 
again. It's a cold and thankless part. 

Mariana. And we'd all be grass widows ! 

Viola. Desdemona and Lady Macbeth. Heaven pre- 
serve us ! 

Katherine. Let me temporize with them. We may 
yet — (As Katherine steps forzvard to address the men, 
the other ivomen drag her hack.) 

Petruchio. We await your answer, fair dames. 

The Women. We agree ! 

Petruchio. With full and free conscience? Without 
mental reservation? 

The Women (sobbing). Yes. 

The Men. Hurrah ! 

The Duke. 'Tis love that makes the world go round. 
^ Katherine. And you will treat us with the tender con- 
sideration of yore? 

The Men. We swear! 

Katherine. But we don't want you to swear. 

Petruchio. We must. The deal will be off if we can't. 

The Women. Then swear. 



RE-TAMIXG OF THE SHREW. 23 

The Men. Hurrah, boys, hurrah ! 

Katherine. You have won, gentlemen. See that you 
make good use of the conquest. Remember the whirhgig 
of time continues to spin and that in the final trial justice 
plays Jio favorites. And now good night all. (The men 
embrace their zvives and, zvith the exception of Katherine 
and Petruchio, go off the stage in couples. Grumio at- 
tends each couple in stately fashion, retiring himself at last 
zvith a zvave of his hand tozvard his master. Petruchio 
and Katherine step to the front. She hands him the nurs- 
ing bottle.) Here, my big baby, is your soothing syrup. 

Petruchio. And this is yours, sweetheart and wife! 
(Kisses her.) 

Curtain. 



Parlor Matches 

By WALTER BEN HARE. 

Price, 25 Cents 

An engaging comedy of society, 2 acts; 4 males, 5 females. 
Time, l^^ hours. Scene: 1 simple interior. Characters: Vance 
Trelford, a professional hero, who doesn't want to be engaged. 
Don Radey, his cousin, a serious young man, engaged, thank you. 
l^'erdinand Poppleton, a frivolous young man, likewise engaged. 
Jorkes, the butler, who may or may not be engaged. Mrs. Sajtoon, 
who believes in engagements. Margaret Seltoon, her elder daugh- 
ter, engaged to Mr. Radey. Suzanne Seltoon, her younger daughter, 
engaged to Mr. Poppleton. Gail Lawrence, her ward, engaging 
and eventually engaged. Abigail Mullen, A. B., her maid, tem- 
porarily engaged, as it were. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — A morning in June at Solitaire Villa. Dovecote. Mrs. 
Seltoon smooths out the course of true love. "Whoever heard 
of a grass widow playing a heroine in a love scene?" "Oh, it's 
one of the best things they do." Mrs. Seltoon seeking a man for 
her niece. "What is his yearly income?" The butler's opinion 
of a woman A. B. "Near-sighted, men's shoes, short bedrabbled 
skirts, last year's hat and a banner saying Votes for Women!" 
The new maid wlio is a graduate from the Splinterville Normal. 
The moving picture hero. "Women malve me nervous. I always 
keep out of their way." Symptoms of hydrophobia. "I bark, ])OW- 
wow-wow!" "His father is in oil and vinegar." "Is it a new kind 
of a bath?" Gail announces her engagement to the moving pic- 
ture hero. "He's here in town!" "Fall, O walls, and crush me!" 

Act II. — A dinner party. Ferdy decides to enlist in the army. 
A reconciliation. Abigail and Adrian Lee of the movies. "Those 
eyes, that nose, it's him?" "I've seen you propose in white 
flannels, in feathers, in full evening clothes, in a sailor suit, 
and in the garbage of a monk, and every time you've won her in 
the end." Gail and her fiancee. That odious Mr. Trelford. Din- 
ner is served. Vance Trelford learns that he is engaged. "I ex- 
pected it all along." "Yes, I begin to think that I did it myself." 

Sewing for the Heathen 

By WALTER BEN HARE. 

Price, 15 Cents 

Entertainment for 9 ladies, either young or middle-aged. Time, 
40 minutes. Can be played on any stage or platform, or even in 
any room. Very refined. Suitable for church or any society. Char- 
acters: Mrs. Judd, the hostess. Mrs. Chester, the president. Mrs. 
R. B. Powers, the stranger. Grandma Gibbs, deaf but persistent. 
Miss Luella Huggins, so sentimental. Mrs. Strong, a suffragist. 
Mrs. Meeker, gentle and good. Mrs. Day, a bride. Meelv, the 
hired girl. SYNOPSIS. 

An anxious hostess. Meely wants to serve winny-wurst sand- 
wiches and noodle soup. The mystery of the jardeniere. The 
President arrives before she is expected. "It was her hair; she 
hadn't got it all on yet." Red flannels for the Hottentots in the 
middle of Africa. A stranger in town, the rich Mrs. Powers. A 
trip down town. Grandma Gibbs and her ear-trumpet. The rich 
Mrs. Powers is mistaken for the dressmaker. The meeting of the 
society. A little tiff. The giddy Miss Huggins is late as usual. 
A present from the men. " Sewing for the Heathen." 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS 

iPrice 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price Is Given 



M. V. 

Documentary Evidence, 25 min. 1 1 

Dude in a Cyclone, 20 min.... 4 2 

Family Strike,. 20 min 3 3 

First-Class Hotel, 20 min 4 

For Love and Honor, 20 min.. 2 1 

Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 5 
Fun in a Photograph Gallery, 

30 min 6 10 

Great Doughnut Corporation, 

30 min 3 5 

Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 6 
Great Pumpkin Case, 30 min.. 12 

Hans Von Smash, 30 min.... 4 3 

Happy Pair, 25 min 1 1 

I'm Not Mesilf at All, 25 min. 3 2 
Initiating a Graiiger, 25 min.. 8 

Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min... 3 3 

Is the Editor In? 20 min... 4 2 

Kansas Immigrants, 20 min... 5 1 

Men Not Wanted, 30 min 8 

Mike Donovan's Courtship, 15 m. 1 3 

Mother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 

Mrs. Carver's Fancy Ball, 40 m. 4 3 
Mrs. Etubbins' Book Agen<- ^0 

min 3 2 

My Lord in Livery, 1 hr.... 4 3 

My Neighbor's Wife, 45 min.. 3 3 

My Turn Next, 45 min 4 3 

My Wife's Relations, 1 hr.... 4 6 

Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 5 

Obstinate Family, 40 min 3 3 

Only Cold Tea. 20 min . . 3 3 

Outwitting the Colonel, 25 min. 3 2 

Pair of Lunatics, 20 min 1 1 

Patsy O'Wang, 35 min 4 3 

Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min.. 6 2 

Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min. 6 3 

Regular Fix, 35 min. 6 4 

Rough Diamond, 40 niin. 4 3 

Second Childhood, 15 min.... 2 2 

Smith, the Aviator, 40 min... 2 3 

Taking Father's Place, 30 min. 5 3 

Taming a Tiger, 30 min 3 

That Rascal Pat, 30 min 3 2 

Those Red Envelopes, 25 min. 4 4 
Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 

min 3 6 

Treasure from Egvpt, 45 min. 4 1 

Turn Him Out, 35 min 3 2 

Two Aunts and a Photo, 20' m. 4 

Two Bonnycastles, 45 min.... 3 3 
Two Gentlemen in a Fix, 15 m. 2 

Two Ghosts in White, 20 min . . 8 

Two of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 

Uncle Dick's Mistake. 20 min.. 3 2 

Wanted a Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 

Wanted a Hero. 20 min 1 1 

Which Will He Marry ]> 20 min. 2 8 

Who Is Who ? 40 min 3 2 

Wide Enough for Two, 45 min. 5 2 

Wrofig Baby, 25 min 8 

Yankee Peddler, 1 hr 7 3 



VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES, MON- 
OLOGUES, ETHIOPIAN PLAYS. 

M. F. 

Ax'in' Her Father, 25 min.... 2 3 
Booster Club of Blackville, 25 m.lO 

Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m. 1 1 

Cold Finish, 15 min 2 1 

Coon Creek Courtship, 15 min. 1 1 

Coming Champion, 20 min.... 2 
Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m. 14 

Counterfeit Bills, 20 min 1 1 

Doings of a Dude, 20 min.... 2 1 

Dutch Cocktail, 20 min 2 

Five Minutes from Yell Col- 
lege, 1 5 min 2 

For Reform, 20 min 4 

Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min.. 2 1 

Glickman, the Glazier, 25 min. 1 1 

Handy Andy (Negro), 12 min. 2 

Her Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Hey, Rube! 15 min 1 

Home Run, 15 min 1 1 

Hot Air, 25 min 2 1 

Tumbo Jum, 30 min 4 3 

Little Red School House. 20 m. 4 

Love and Lather, 35 min 3 2 

Marriage and After, 10 min.. 1 

Mischievous Nigger, 25 min.. 4 2 

Mistaken Miss, 20 min 1 1 

Mr. and Mrs. Fido. 20 min.... 1 1 

Mr. Badger's Uppers, 40 min. 4 2 
One Sweetheart for Two. 20 m. 2 

Oshkosh Next Week, 20 min . . 4 , 

Oyster Stew, 10 min 2 

Pete Yansen's Gurl's Moder, 10 

min 1 

Pickles for Two, 15 min 2 

Pooh Bah of Peacetown, 35 min. 2 2 

Prof. Black's Funnygraph, 15 m. 6 

Recruiting Office, 15 'min 2 

Sham Doctor, 10 min 4 2 

Si and I, 15 min 1 

Special Sale, 15 min 2 

Stage Struck Darky, 1 min ..21 

Sunny Son of Italy, 15 min.. 1 

Time Table, 20 min 1 1 

Tramp and the Actress. 20 min. 1 1 

Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min... 4 

Troubles of Rozinski, 15 min.. 1 

Two Jay Detectives, 15 min.. 3 

Umbrella Mender, 15 min 2 

Uncle Bilr at the Vaudeville, 

15 min 1 

Uncle Teff, 25 min 5 3 

Who Gits de Reward' 30 min. 5 1 



— A great number of 
Standard and Amateur Plays 
not found here are listed in 
Denlson's Catalogue 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers,154 W. Randolph St. , Chicago 



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Selected, fine for older pupils. 
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Very clever; for young people. 
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From six to eleven years of age. 
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Thirteen selections. 
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Over 50,000 copies sold. 
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Dialogues and recitations. 
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Thirty-eight original selections. 
When the Lessons are Over. 

Dialogues, drills, plays. 
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Brand new, original, successful. 

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Choice Pieces for Little People. 

A child's speaker. 
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Recitations, monologues, dialogues. 
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The Favorite Speaker. 

Choice prose and poetry. 
The Friday Afternoon Speaker. 

For pupils of all ages. 
Humorous Monologues. 

Particularly for ladies. 
Monologues for Young Folks. 

Clever, humorous, original. 
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Dramatic and humorous. 
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^Master thoughts of master minds. 




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Choice collections, pathetic, hu- 
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No. 25c. 



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Drills that sparkle with originality. 
Little Plays With Drills. 

For children from 6 to 11 years. 
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Fresh, novel, drills and marches. 

SPECIALTIES 

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ISIonologues, dialogues, drills. 
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Invitations, decorations, games. 
The Days We Celebrate. 

Entertainments for all the holidays. 
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Recitations, dialogues, drills. 
Good Things for Thanksgiving. 

A gem of a book. 
Good Things for Washington 

and Lincoln Birthdays. 
Little Folks' Budget. 

Easy pieces to speak, songs. 
One Hundred Entertainments. 

New parlor diversions, socials. 
Patriotic Celebrations. 

Great variety of material. 
Pranks and Pastimes. 

Parlor games for children. 
Private Theatricals. 

How to put on plays. 
Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, 

Charades, and how to prepare. 
Tableaux and Scenic Readings. 

New and novel; for all ages. 
Twinkling Fingers and Sway- 
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Yuletide Entertainments. 

A choice Christmas collection. 

MINSTRELS, JOKES 

Black American Joker. 

Minstrels' and end men's gags. 
A Bundle of Burnt Cork Conxedy. 

Monologues, stump speeches, etc. 
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